Friendship

Ezer and I drove home Sunday after a brief but good visit to Boston. We enjoyed the U2 concert with Christine & Jim and had brunch with Jon. I really enjoy road trips and I think one of the reasons for that is car conversations. There's so much potential for great range and depth of conversation. Of course, it depends on who you're with. Once I caught a ride back to Wheaton with a guy from Memphis (had visited a friend in Nashville). About two hours into the trip we got into a debate about feminism. He said that it would have been better if the whole movement had never taken place. I replied that while there are some aspects that have been twisted by some people, it has done good, too i.e. women can be doctors. He couldn't agree that anything good resulted from it. We just listened to Dave Matthews for the next eight hours.

Anyway, one of the things e and I talked about was friendships. He shared that he appreciated how I valued mine and that he enjoyed my friends. I asked if he was satisfied with the state of his friendships, and he said that he was. He asked me the same, and I shared that while I really appreciate all my long distance friends it would be nice to have a few close local ones. Also, we've talked about how we've made some effort with a few couples at church, but that friendship can't be forced when people don't click in some way.

Then, perhaps because of being engrossed in our conversation we missed some exit. We ended up taking the long way back to NYC and debated on whether we should still aim to make the Eastside evening service at Redeemer even though we'd be late. We decided to go for it.....and ta-da, the sermon by Tim Keller was on friendship. Here are my crib notes:

Scripture: Proverbs 17:17; 18:24; 25:17, 20; 26:18, 19; 27:5, 6, 9, 14, 17; 28:23; 29:5

1. Friendship is a unique necessity.
- Unlike romantic love (exalted over friendship today) or familial love (exalted over friendship in Bible times)
- Deliberate, voluntary relationship

2. Friendship needs to be discovered.
- Needs to have sympatico, a shared passion (shared passion can be Christ); "You, too?!"

3. Friendship needs to be forged.
- Constancy: availability in good times and bad, small moments and big events
- Carefulness: sensitivity
- Candor: honesty/sharpening
- Counsel: transparency, loss of independent decisions

I liked the point about how it's easy to either have care or be candid but hard to do both. For example, if you err on the side of care you might not say something your friend needs to hear because you don't want them to feel bad. But if you err on the side of candor you tell people things without regard for how it might effect them. Naturally, a true friend both cares and is candid.

Proverb 27:9 talks about "the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel." Keller says earnest counsel means to tell secrets from the heart and used an example of one of his friends who was both very vulnerable about his own weakness but also pointed out things Keller needs to work on. I

4. Hmm, something about power to keep

- Friendship lets you in.
- Friendship never lets you down.
- Jesus is the ultimate exemplar of friendship.

After the sermon, I felt a sense of longing - wanting that kind of friendship and wanting to be that kind of friend.

p.s. We finished moving - hooray! Now we're just discovering what goes along with buying an old place - the kitchen drawers no longer work because the wood runners have been worn out and the toilet handle broke this morning.